Stressed Stressed Stressed

When it rains, it hurricanes. At least in my life. So here is a list. Feel free to respond with suggestions, but don't be insulted if I ignore them lol. It isn't anything personal if I do, there are a lot of details to these things that I won't be putting in here, namely because I would be writing for the rest of my life. But here it is in a nutshell:

1. My dad got laid off today. In this economy, getting another job is not easy, or sometimes even possible. He will get unemployment, but that is not 100% of your former pay, it is 2/3 or 3/4, we are unsure. He will also lose his benefits, and he is on long-term meds, so even if he does manage to get another job, chances are a new insurance company will refuse to pay for his meds for a year. That isn't the worst of it. Enough of us can come pool our resources to take care of that, but he is really having a hard time with it. And none of us can fix that.

2. My brother is still having significant issues, and rumor is that he is going to be asking me if he can come and stay with me for a while. I hate the thought of turning away a sibling, but I am afraid if I don't, things will get bad quick and I will end up kicking him out, which would be worse than refusing him in the first place.

3. My hubby and I had made plans for our future after the Army, and now he is telling me the integral part of those plans may not happen, so we are back to square one with the re-up decision. Do we re-up, and if so, do we head to a training base so hubby can teach and therefore not deploy for 3 yrs, or do we go to Europe so we can expose the kids to world culture, and suck up another deployment. Or do we get out, take the risk that the contractor position will not come through, and possibly end up either A. taking a job that allows us to survive, but not actually accomplish our dreams, or B. re-upping at the last minute, probably not getting a bonus at all, and even if we do it gets taxed at 40% (if he re-ups before he comes home, the bonus is not taxed). And hubby has told me the choice is mine. So I hold in my hands our life from here out. I have to balance what will make hubby happy, how to provide for our children, how to accomplish our dreams, and how to ensure that at some point in our lives the kids actually get to have a father around. I am tired of being the grownup. It was easier when someone was telling me where to be and and when to be there. Oh, and did I mention that this decision needs to be made within 8 wks because if we decide to stay in, the contract has to be drawn up and signed before he leaves Iraq, so he has to have a bit of time before he is supposed to leave theater for them to do that.

4. Our economy has gone to shit, and I am trying to figure out how to take care of everything that needs to be taken care of. Even if I wanted to get a job, with my education and skill level, I would make just enough money to pay for daycare. Not that putting my kids in daycare is even the remotest option anyways.

I feel like I am drowning, and I have the feeling of impending doom like I am barely keeping my head above water but right behind me is a tidal wave about to break..........