HE IS HOME!!!!!!

My hubby is finally home!!! 14 months, 17 days, 9 hrs later (but, hey, who's counting, right?), he is finally here. YAY!!!

And, a brief list of all the things I survived alone while he was gone:

4 days after he left, I found out I was preggo with baby #3. My other kids were 2 and 8 mo.

A nurse informs me that it is not possible to continue breastfeeding while pregnant, must immediately wean (because even though women have breastfed while pregnant for thousands of years, apparently they were just special. Consult La Leche, increase calories, continue breastfeeding until bear-bear is a year old. (Take that stupid nurse who thinks man knows more than God).

A dr who tells me at my first appt that I must get off the Zoloft ASAP, then later swears he told me to stay on it. Dr proceeds to blatantly lie on my medical records about number of visits and stat of mental health (and I have witnesses to this). Get reffered to his boss, who sends me to another clinic, and he also lies on my medical records, making me look like Britney Spears in terms of my mental health. I go to Hubbys rear-d to try to get help with blatant abuse by dr's, am informed that I am on my own (and that is a quote).

Meet members of bio-dads extended family. This is a volitale situation for me, because of the way things went down when I was a baby. But it turns out to be a good thing, because his mom is wonderful and now I have another grandmother (love you Omi). Am even patching things up with his dad - a miracle in and of itself.

Potty train 2 yr old while taking care of 9 month old. Bear in mind this is during my first trimester, am so tired I would sleep 23 hrs a day. Get 7 on a good day.

Go to dr, spend 2 hrs waiting for paperwork he swore would be at the front, only to find out he had his dates for my labs wrong. This is when I have it out with hs boss, and get reffered to new clinic, despite protests.

Fight tricare for off-post referral. Win.

Spend forever on phone with tricare because the clinic they reffered me to will not take me because I am too far along.

Take 12 month old to ER in town because she is totally lethargic (read: unresponsive. Breathing, but wont even look at you when you call her name. Wont eat or drink, hasn't had a wet diaper in 8 hrs). Spend 2 hrs waiting to see a dr, get told to "force fluids" and sent home. Listen to mommy-dar and go to post ER. Her O2 level was 78. She would have smothered in her sleep if I had taken her home. She gets hospitalized for 3 days. Make arrangements for mom-in-law to take 2 yr old. Mom-in-law freaks out because 2-yr-old ends up needing an enima. I am 22 wks preggo by this time. Considering nervous breakdown.

Friend's (and I use this term VERY loosly, but more on that later) 2 yr old scribbles on my antique dresser with red sharpie, on natural wood. Also manages to hit my black and white comforter with aforementioned marker. 2 wks later, same child dips purple marker in water, shakes drops all over my linseed finished antique dining room table (which I inheirited from my Great-grandmother. I am not a materialistic person, but the things I got from her are very precious to me). "Friend" promises to pay for these things to be fixed when her hubby starts getting hardship pay.

I babysit aforementioned 2 yr old ALL THE FREAKIN' TIME. Don't feel used, because I figure this will come back around after baby is born when I really need help. (I didn't do it because I wanted it back, but I wouldn't have been quite so codependant if I had known what was coming. Again, more on that later).

"Friend's" hubby now home. Promised stuff will be fixed when his travel voucher comes in.

Promised stuff will be fixed when economic stimulus payment comes in. "Friend" manages to purchase purebred (read: expensive as hell) Great Dane. Table and dresser still not done.

Promise stuff will be fixed after NODS are paid for.

"Friend", hubby, and daughter eat at my house 5+ days a week. I do all the cooking, cleaning, and pay for 90% of groceries. Still babysitting ALL THE FREAKIN' TIME.

Babysit "friend's" 2 yr old for 4 days so friend can go to TX with hubby for his grandfathers funeral. I am 36 wks preggo, have a 3 yr old and a 16 mo old, and no hubby. Please bear in mind that aforementioned 2 yr old does not mind, and is fairly aggressive with my kids. In hindsight, I should have not been around them nearly so much, because my kids 1. picked up bad habits, 2. were frequently tormented by this kid, and 3. I yelled at my kids more than I should have because I was stressed out with the whole situation. Please understand, I know my kids are anything but perfect. My middle child is pretty agressive herself. My oldest loves tantrums. But I was not this kid's mom, so there was only so much I could do, since discipline was anything but consistent from her parents. I am not a perfect parent either, but I should have parented my kids more and this kid less. But, hindsight is 20/20.

"Friend's" child flips one of the chairs that goes with my dining set so many times the back snaps off. This set is antique and has seen children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and great-great grandchildren (no exaggeration), and has never had this happen to any of the other chairs. This should tell you something about this kid.

Have baby without hubby. Have mom and "friend" there. Hubby and I purposely planned his R&R for after I got out of the hospital because I have had 2 babies, no big deal at this point, and I don't want to waste 4 days of his R&R sitting in hospital room (which is like the hotel room from hell, BTW).

End up in the ER for the entire day on the day hubby gets in for R&R due to possible pulmonary embolisms. Have to wean baby for 48 hrs because can't have images done in radiology due to iodine allergy, so am sent to Nuclear Medicine, and shot up radiological contrasts. Spend weekend pumping and complaining about engorement (milk coming in combined with sudden weaning = much pain.)

Hubby comes and goes. I now have 3 kids under the age of 4 (3 and 1/2, 16 mo, and newborn). Fortunately, baby is a good sleeper. Otherwise, I would be in an institution by now.

House gets broken into during R&R while we are in another town visiting family. Hubby has to leave less than 48 hrs after discovering this.

House gets broken into again a month later while I am visiting family again. Get large American Bulldog. Discover that despite the fact that 10 houses in my neighborhood were broken into during the week my house got hit the first time, 1 officers house got broken into at the same time, so all extra patrols were sent to officers quaters. File IG complaint. Am informed that officers are considered more important per Army regs. (I swear I am not making this up).

Bro-in-law comes home w/ me from that trip. Ask "friend" for babysitting so we can go out. Am told no.

Drive to VA, then onto MD, then onto PA for a few days in each place. Bring home best friend who stays for a week. Great times, kids were a wee bit stressed.

Ask "friend" to babysit so I can go out w/ best friend whom I hadn't seen in 18 mo. Am told "no". (These "no's" occured a month apart. Had not requested childcare in between. Please remember, I watched her 2 yr old ALL THE DAMN TIME while I was preggo, had 2 toddlers of my own, and no hubby)

3 yr old starts preschool. I break down while I watch her play during orientation. I was ok when I dropped her off for her first day though. Get lots of pics for hubby on "friends" camera. "Friend" cannot be bothered to find cord to get pics off camera. Lose all these pics when friendship finally dissolves.

Go on another 6 hr road trip w/ kids by myself. House gets broken into again while I am gone. When I told the MPI that it was rediculous that this had happened 3 times in 4 months, he said to me (direct quote here) "Well, at least your popular." The fact that I was holding my 4 mo old son is the only thing that prevented me from backhanding him and ending up in jail for assault. Hubby informs me that I should have hit him. Regret not hitting him.

Go on another road trip. Same person (presumably) attempts to break into the house, but fails this time. Now it is full scale war. Talk to garrison, the head MPI's, and housing, threatening them all with going to the media if something isn't done and NOW. I got informed by my hubby's rear-d commander (again, direct quote) "I suppose the Army is in some way obligated to help you, if the situation is in fact unsafe." I am not suprised when he doesn't do a damn thing to help me.

"Friend" now informs me that she will pay to have my furniture fixed when taxes come in. This is when I finally terminated the friendship. (After reading this, I really have to wonder why in the hell I let this go on for so long.)

Go to see my grandmothers. 6 hrs with the kids by myself. Again. House wasn't broken into this time though.

Go to see my and hubbys parents. 4 hr car trip with kids. Stay for a week, go home, spend 2 days at home before heading to my aunts house for Thanksgiving number 2.

Am stupid enough to have the thought "Wow, in almost 15 months, I have been through alot, but an amazingly small amount of puke." (I HATE PUKE. Spit-up I can deal with, but once your eating chunky, solid food, just ew.) The kids spent the next week and a half puking. *sigh* Spend the next week in and out of dr appts.

I am told Brett will be home Wednesday at 1. Am called at 11 to be told it will be 10 pm instead. Was stupid enough to have already told the 3 yr old. Now have to backpedal. Am called at 9:30 pm by FRG leader to inquire if I had heard from hubby. Apparently, they were unsure if a. The guys were landing in half an hour or b. guys were still in Germany. That's right folks - they managed to lose a plane full of soldiers. Finally determine everyone is still in Germany, due to mechanical issues.

Am told 2 pm on Thursday. Get call at 1:15 saying it changed to 4. Get call at 4:15 saying it is now 5 pm. Ask FRG leader to call when plane lands. Get call from hubby when plane lands, FRG leader forgets about me. Frg leader then sends me to the wrong building to meet my hubby.

And you wonder why I was counting?