HE IS HOME!!!!!!

My hubby is finally home!!! 14 months, 17 days, 9 hrs later (but, hey, who's counting, right?), he is finally here. YAY!!!

And, a brief list of all the things I survived alone while he was gone:

4 days after he left, I found out I was preggo with baby #3. My other kids were 2 and 8 mo.

A nurse informs me that it is not possible to continue breastfeeding while pregnant, must immediately wean (because even though women have breastfed while pregnant for thousands of years, apparently they were just special. Consult La Leche, increase calories, continue breastfeeding until bear-bear is a year old. (Take that stupid nurse who thinks man knows more than God).

A dr who tells me at my first appt that I must get off the Zoloft ASAP, then later swears he told me to stay on it. Dr proceeds to blatantly lie on my medical records about number of visits and stat of mental health (and I have witnesses to this). Get reffered to his boss, who sends me to another clinic, and he also lies on my medical records, making me look like Britney Spears in terms of my mental health. I go to Hubbys rear-d to try to get help with blatant abuse by dr's, am informed that I am on my own (and that is a quote).

Meet members of bio-dads extended family. This is a volitale situation for me, because of the way things went down when I was a baby. But it turns out to be a good thing, because his mom is wonderful and now I have another grandmother (love you Omi). Am even patching things up with his dad - a miracle in and of itself.

Potty train 2 yr old while taking care of 9 month old. Bear in mind this is during my first trimester, am so tired I would sleep 23 hrs a day. Get 7 on a good day.

Go to dr, spend 2 hrs waiting for paperwork he swore would be at the front, only to find out he had his dates for my labs wrong. This is when I have it out with hs boss, and get reffered to new clinic, despite protests.

Fight tricare for off-post referral. Win.

Spend forever on phone with tricare because the clinic they reffered me to will not take me because I am too far along.

Take 12 month old to ER in town because she is totally lethargic (read: unresponsive. Breathing, but wont even look at you when you call her name. Wont eat or drink, hasn't had a wet diaper in 8 hrs). Spend 2 hrs waiting to see a dr, get told to "force fluids" and sent home. Listen to mommy-dar and go to post ER. Her O2 level was 78. She would have smothered in her sleep if I had taken her home. She gets hospitalized for 3 days. Make arrangements for mom-in-law to take 2 yr old. Mom-in-law freaks out because 2-yr-old ends up needing an enima. I am 22 wks preggo by this time. Considering nervous breakdown.

Friend's (and I use this term VERY loosly, but more on that later) 2 yr old scribbles on my antique dresser with red sharpie, on natural wood. Also manages to hit my black and white comforter with aforementioned marker. 2 wks later, same child dips purple marker in water, shakes drops all over my linseed finished antique dining room table (which I inheirited from my Great-grandmother. I am not a materialistic person, but the things I got from her are very precious to me). "Friend" promises to pay for these things to be fixed when her hubby starts getting hardship pay.

I babysit aforementioned 2 yr old ALL THE FREAKIN' TIME. Don't feel used, because I figure this will come back around after baby is born when I really need help. (I didn't do it because I wanted it back, but I wouldn't have been quite so codependant if I had known what was coming. Again, more on that later).

"Friend's" hubby now home. Promised stuff will be fixed when his travel voucher comes in.

Promised stuff will be fixed when economic stimulus payment comes in. "Friend" manages to purchase purebred (read: expensive as hell) Great Dane. Table and dresser still not done.

Promise stuff will be fixed after NODS are paid for.

"Friend", hubby, and daughter eat at my house 5+ days a week. I do all the cooking, cleaning, and pay for 90% of groceries. Still babysitting ALL THE FREAKIN' TIME.

Babysit "friend's" 2 yr old for 4 days so friend can go to TX with hubby for his grandfathers funeral. I am 36 wks preggo, have a 3 yr old and a 16 mo old, and no hubby. Please bear in mind that aforementioned 2 yr old does not mind, and is fairly aggressive with my kids. In hindsight, I should have not been around them nearly so much, because my kids 1. picked up bad habits, 2. were frequently tormented by this kid, and 3. I yelled at my kids more than I should have because I was stressed out with the whole situation. Please understand, I know my kids are anything but perfect. My middle child is pretty agressive herself. My oldest loves tantrums. But I was not this kid's mom, so there was only so much I could do, since discipline was anything but consistent from her parents. I am not a perfect parent either, but I should have parented my kids more and this kid less. But, hindsight is 20/20.

"Friend's" child flips one of the chairs that goes with my dining set so many times the back snaps off. This set is antique and has seen children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and great-great grandchildren (no exaggeration), and has never had this happen to any of the other chairs. This should tell you something about this kid.

Have baby without hubby. Have mom and "friend" there. Hubby and I purposely planned his R&R for after I got out of the hospital because I have had 2 babies, no big deal at this point, and I don't want to waste 4 days of his R&R sitting in hospital room (which is like the hotel room from hell, BTW).

End up in the ER for the entire day on the day hubby gets in for R&R due to possible pulmonary embolisms. Have to wean baby for 48 hrs because can't have images done in radiology due to iodine allergy, so am sent to Nuclear Medicine, and shot up radiological contrasts. Spend weekend pumping and complaining about engorement (milk coming in combined with sudden weaning = much pain.)

Hubby comes and goes. I now have 3 kids under the age of 4 (3 and 1/2, 16 mo, and newborn). Fortunately, baby is a good sleeper. Otherwise, I would be in an institution by now.

House gets broken into during R&R while we are in another town visiting family. Hubby has to leave less than 48 hrs after discovering this.

House gets broken into again a month later while I am visiting family again. Get large American Bulldog. Discover that despite the fact that 10 houses in my neighborhood were broken into during the week my house got hit the first time, 1 officers house got broken into at the same time, so all extra patrols were sent to officers quaters. File IG complaint. Am informed that officers are considered more important per Army regs. (I swear I am not making this up).

Bro-in-law comes home w/ me from that trip. Ask "friend" for babysitting so we can go out. Am told no.

Drive to VA, then onto MD, then onto PA for a few days in each place. Bring home best friend who stays for a week. Great times, kids were a wee bit stressed.

Ask "friend" to babysit so I can go out w/ best friend whom I hadn't seen in 18 mo. Am told "no". (These "no's" occured a month apart. Had not requested childcare in between. Please remember, I watched her 2 yr old ALL THE DAMN TIME while I was preggo, had 2 toddlers of my own, and no hubby)

3 yr old starts preschool. I break down while I watch her play during orientation. I was ok when I dropped her off for her first day though. Get lots of pics for hubby on "friends" camera. "Friend" cannot be bothered to find cord to get pics off camera. Lose all these pics when friendship finally dissolves.

Go on another 6 hr road trip w/ kids by myself. House gets broken into again while I am gone. When I told the MPI that it was rediculous that this had happened 3 times in 4 months, he said to me (direct quote here) "Well, at least your popular." The fact that I was holding my 4 mo old son is the only thing that prevented me from backhanding him and ending up in jail for assault. Hubby informs me that I should have hit him. Regret not hitting him.

Go on another road trip. Same person (presumably) attempts to break into the house, but fails this time. Now it is full scale war. Talk to garrison, the head MPI's, and housing, threatening them all with going to the media if something isn't done and NOW. I got informed by my hubby's rear-d commander (again, direct quote) "I suppose the Army is in some way obligated to help you, if the situation is in fact unsafe." I am not suprised when he doesn't do a damn thing to help me.

"Friend" now informs me that she will pay to have my furniture fixed when taxes come in. This is when I finally terminated the friendship. (After reading this, I really have to wonder why in the hell I let this go on for so long.)

Go to see my grandmothers. 6 hrs with the kids by myself. Again. House wasn't broken into this time though.

Go to see my and hubbys parents. 4 hr car trip with kids. Stay for a week, go home, spend 2 days at home before heading to my aunts house for Thanksgiving number 2.

Am stupid enough to have the thought "Wow, in almost 15 months, I have been through alot, but an amazingly small amount of puke." (I HATE PUKE. Spit-up I can deal with, but once your eating chunky, solid food, just ew.) The kids spent the next week and a half puking. *sigh* Spend the next week in and out of dr appts.

I am told Brett will be home Wednesday at 1. Am called at 11 to be told it will be 10 pm instead. Was stupid enough to have already told the 3 yr old. Now have to backpedal. Am called at 9:30 pm by FRG leader to inquire if I had heard from hubby. Apparently, they were unsure if a. The guys were landing in half an hour or b. guys were still in Germany. That's right folks - they managed to lose a plane full of soldiers. Finally determine everyone is still in Germany, due to mechanical issues.

Am told 2 pm on Thursday. Get call at 1:15 saying it changed to 4. Get call at 4:15 saying it is now 5 pm. Ask FRG leader to call when plane lands. Get call from hubby when plane lands, FRG leader forgets about me. Frg leader then sends me to the wrong building to meet my hubby.

And you wonder why I was counting?

Sad : (

1950s pinup model Bettie Page dies in LA at 85

LOS ANGELES – Bettie Page, the 1950s secretary-turned-model whose controversial photographs in skimpy attire or none at all helped set the stage for the 1960s sexual revolution, died Thursday. She was 85.

Page was placed on life support last week after suffering a heart attack in Los Angeles and never regained consciousness, said her agent, Mark Roesler. He said he and Page's family agreed to remove life support. Before the heart attack, Page had been hospitalized for three weeks with pneumonia.

"She captured the imagination of a generation of men and women with her free spirit and unabashed sensuality," Roesler said. "She is the embodiment of beauty."

Page, who was also known as Betty, attracted national attention with magazine photographs of her sensuous figure in bikinis and see-through lingerie that were quickly tacked up on walls in military barracks, garages and elsewhere, where they remained for years.

Her photos included a centerfold in the January 1955 issue of then-fledgling Playboy magazine, as well as controversial sadomasochistic poses.

"I think that she was a remarkable lady, an iconic figure in pop culture who influenced sexuality, taste in fashion, someone who had a tremendous impact on our society," Playboy founder Hugh Hefner told The Associated Press on Thursday. "She was a very dear person."

Page mysteriously disappeared from the public eye for decades, during which time she battled mental illness and became a born-again Christian.

After resurfacing in the 1990s, she occasionally granted interviews but refused to allow her picture to be taken.

"I don't want to be photographed in my old age," she told an interviewer in 1998. "I feel the same way with old movie stars. ... It makes me sad. We want to remember them when they were young."

The 21st century indeed had people remembering her just as she was. She became the subject of songs, biographies, Web sites, comic books, movies and documentaries. A new generation of fans bought thousands of copies of her photos, and some feminists hailed her as a pioneer of women's liberation.

Gretchen Mol portrayed her in 2005's "The Notorious Bettie Page" and Paige Richards had the role in 2004's "Bettie Page: Dark Angel." Page herself took part in the 1998 documentary "Betty Page: Pinup Queen."

Hefner said he last saw Page when he held a screening of "The Notorious Bettie Page" at the Playboy Mansion. He said she objected to the fact that the film referred to her as "notorious," but "we explained to her that it referred to the troubled times she had and was a good way to sell a movie."

Page's career began one day in October 1950 when she took a respite from her job as a secretary in a New York office for a walk along the beach at Coney Island. An amateur photographer named Jerry Tibbs admired the 27-year-old's firm, curvy body and asked her to pose.

Looking back on the career that followed, she told Playboy in 1998: "I never thought it was shameful. I felt normal. It's just that it was much better than pounding a typewriter eight hours a day, which gets monotonous."

Nudity didn't bother her, she said, explaining: "God approves of nudity. Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, they were naked as jaybirds."

In 1951, Page fell under the influence of a photographer and his sister who specialized in S&M. They cut her hair into the dark bangs that became her signature and posed her in spiked heels and little else. She was photographed with a whip in her hand, and in one session she was spread-eagled between two trees, her feet dangling.

"I thought my arms and legs would come out of their sockets," she said later.

Moralists denounced the photos as perversion, and Sen. Estes Kefauver of Tennessee, Page's home state, launched a congressional investigation.

Page quickly retreated from public view, later saying she was hounded by federal agents who waved her nude photos in her face. She also said she believed that, at age 34, her days as "the girl with the perfect figure" were nearly over.

She moved to Florida in 1957 and married a much younger man, as an early marriage to her high school sweetheart had ended in divorce.

Her second marriage also failed, as did a third, and she suffered a nervous breakdown.

In 1959, she was lying on a sea wall in Key West when she saw a church with a white neon cross on top. She walked inside and became a born-again Christian.

After attending Bible school, she wanted to serve as a missionary but was turned down because she had been divorced. Instead, she worked full-time for evangelist Billy Graham's ministry.

A move to Southern California in 1979 brought more troubles.

She was arrested after an altercation with her landlady, and doctors who examined her determined she had acute schizophrenia. She spent 20 months in a state mental hospital in San Bernardino.

A fight with another landlord resulted in her arrest, but she was found not guilty because of insanity. She was placed under state supervision for eight years.

"She had a very turbulent life," Todd Mueller, a family friend and autograph seller, told The Associated Press on Thursday. "She had a temper to her."

Mueller said he first met Page after tracking her down in the 1990s and persuaded her to do an autograph signing event.

He said she was a hit and sold about 3,000 autographs, usually for $200 to $300 each.

"Eleanor Roosevelt, we got $40 to $50. ... Bettie Page outsells them all," he told The AP last week.

Born April 22, 1923, in Nashville, Tenn., Page said she grew up in a family so poor "we were lucky to get an orange in our Christmas stockings."

The family included three boys and three girls, and Page said her father molested all of the girls.

After the Pages moved to Houston, her father decided to return to Tennessee and stole a police car for the trip. He was sent to prison, and for a time Betty lived in an orphanage.

In her teens she acted in high school plays, going on to study drama in New York and win a screen test from 20th Century Fox before her modeling career took off.

WOW

Watch this. It is extremely powerful, and worth watching to the end. Forward it, repost it, whatever. But wow.

http://switch3.castup.net/cunet/gm.asp?ai=214&ar=1050wmv&ak=nul

Funny stuff

My 22 mo old (bear-bear) said the funniest thing yesterday. I was combing her hair, and it was FULL of sticky stuff. (Not gum, she isn't allowed to have gum lol.) I asked her how her hair got so sticky, and she told me "the monkeys did it". I said "The monkeys did it?!?!?!?" To which she replied, with obvious infinite patience for her apparently deaf mommy, "yep, the monkeys did it, because that's what monkeys do.".

Later, as I was dressing the kids for bed, my oldest picked a jacket up off of the floor and asked "Is this my jacket?" I said not anymore. She said "It was mine when I was little." I said yes, it was, and bear-bear piped up "Well, it's mine NOW!".

Out of the mouths of babes I suppose....

I am done.

So, it's over. I had to cut someone out of my life, and it is totally done. I thought this person was a friend of mine, but in reality I was being used. Terribly. I watched this person's child CONSTANTLY. I took this kid for 4 days when I was 36 wks pregnant so that she and her husband could go to Texas for his grandfather's funeral. These people ate at my house literally 4 - 6 days a week during my pregnancy w/little dude. So, instead of feeding 1 adult and 2 kids, I was feeding 3 adults and 3 kids. They contributed very, very little to this. I am sure most people wonder why I would let myself get used like that. Well, I fully expected everything to come back around to me after the little dude was born, which is when I really needed the help. But, the horrible irony is, that is when they started to let me down. Every time I asked them to babysit for me, I was told no, always for a stupid reason. And I am not one who goes out all the time. It wasn't like I was asking for a sitter every weekend or anything close to that. But when my bother-in-law (whom I only get to see 2 - 3 times a year, and we are pretty close) came into town with me from Asheville, and I wanted to go out, I was told no. Then, when my best friend came into town (and I hadn't seen her in 18 months), and I wanted to go out, I was told no. These requests were about a month apart. That is how rarely I ask for a sitter. Now, I did not help them out just to build up "credits" so to speak for when I needed them. But I think it is really horrible to let someone provide you with free childcare for 8 months, then drop them like they are on fire as soon as they need you. On top of that, their child got black ink spots on my antique dining room table, broke the back off the matching dining room chair, and took a red sharpie to my antique dresser. They have been promising me for a year to pay to have this stuff fixed, but every time I ask about it, I am told "when he gets his 1000 extra a month in deployment pay" (he has been home since March, and this pay is for the last 3 months of deployment), then "when we get our travel voucher", then "when we get our economic stimulus payment", then "when we are finished paying for the NODS", and now it's "when we get our taxes back". In other words, never. And lately, she wouldn't answer the phone when I called, she wouldn't call me back, and she would only text me if she absolutely had to deign to communicate with me. So, about a year ago we had decided to share a phone plan with Alltel (it was cheaper to split it). I got myself a new phone on Thursday, took everything off the old phone, and turned the old one off on Friday (physically turned it off, the plan was in her name, so I couldn't disconnect it.) So, she got angry that I wasn't answering her texts or emails, and she had the nerve to text my mother 3 times. Now, she has my mom's number for emergencies, like the kids and I have been in a car wreck emergencies. Not to bother my mom over stuff between us. And the last 2 messages she sent were rude. So I am done. She used me and dropped me when she no longer needed me, and has acted like an immature brat about everything. The worst part is, we had removed her from our lives back in summer 06. She came back into our lives a year later, and the hubby and a good friend of mine warned me not to let her back into my life. And I insisted that she had changed. I told my husband to let me make my own decisions and character judgements. And he was totally right. And I got really burned. So, I feel like I wasted a year being good to someone who really never liked me, only liked what I could do for her. And that hurts. But being rid of her feels like 100lbs of dead weight off my back.

The countdown begins....

We have less than 10 wks left!!! Obviously, I can't say exactly how many less, but still. We are in single digits. We have been doing this for over 13 months now, and I am tired of it. So close! I can't wait to be married for real again. And for the kids to have daddy back. And to hang out with someone other than my tivo at night. Real adult conversation every day. Talking to my hubby for more than 15 minutes at a time; every day instead of a few times a week. Having another parent at home to help make decisions and change diapers and run errands and and and....

I walked 4 miles today pushing a stoller (the 2 little ones combined weigh 45 lbs), and I feel great. Must do this every day. Must lose 20 lbs before hubby returns. Must stick to diet.

So excited.

YAY ME!

I had a really good day. It started out good when I got on the scale and *drumroll* I AM BACK TO MY PRE-PREGNANCY WEIGHT!!!! Now, granted, bear-bear was 8 mo old when I got preggo w/ little man, and I was still 10 lbs above my pre-preggo weight w/ her, and I was 10 lbs over my lightest when I got preggo w/ her, so I still have 20 lbs to go for that goal, 30 total to hit my end goal, but still. Moms everywhere will understand why it is still a huge deal.

THEN, I took the kids to the halloween party at Old Navy (yes, I know it is a shameless promotion to get people to come in because they inevitably buy something, but I went because 1. It was something to do - and 3-small-child friendly things are in short supply here, and 2. They were giving free t-shirts to kids who dressed up, and mine had been begging to wear their costumes), and they gave me a pull-off-the-sticker-to-see-what-you-win card, and I got $50 off my purchase, *with no minimum purchase*. So I got a t-shirt for each kid, 2 pairs of pants for me, a pair of capri-cargos for me, and 2 shirts for me for $8.50. My total before discounts was $88. I AM THE UBER-JEW. : ).

Why?!?!?!?

would you work for the military if you don't like the military and are going to be rude to soldiers and spouses???

Stupid civilians....

Seriously, there are too many websites...

And too many people with too much time on their hands...

http://www.bacontalk.com/?gclid=CMqKyOXbqZYCFQHHGgodBXEwyA

So, it's been a while....

But things finally seem to have settled down, so hopefully I can get back to updating regularly.

So, I had a mommy moment earlier. I cleaned out my freezer (and fridge, and pantry... methinks I might be nesting a bit - in preparation for the hubby to come home, not because I am preggers again. Because I am not. Don't even think that way.) and laid out some tomato sauce to use for spaghetti for dinner. Or what I thought was tomato sauce. When I went to start dinner at 4:30, I discovered that one of the 3 bowls I pulled out of the freezer was not tomato sauce, but chili. (I have a habit of freezing my leftover tomato sauce to use next time, then inevitably forget to use it, which is why I had multiple containers in the first place.) Well, it is 4:30, the little people are starting to riot out of hunger, and I have nothing else thawed or quickly available. So guess what I did? I put the chili, tomato sauces, and some random spaghetti-type seasonings in a pot and served it with angel hair (and told the kids it was spaghetti). The kids loved it. I had some too. It was actually really good. I don't know that I will be adding beans and chili seasoning and fajita seasoning (that is the secret to good chili) to my spaghetti sauce always, but it was actually damn tasty. And you know what I did with the leftover sauce? Right back into the freezer. Hopefully I will remember it is there lol.

So it was my anniversary 2 days ago. 6 yrs. Tonight, when I had both girls bent over in front of me awaiting their "butt-cream" (You have to be a mother to understand why I had them bent over lol), I realized that if someone had told me that I would be were I am 6 yrs ago on my wedding day, I would have run screaming. I love my life (except the whole single parent-trying to keep a marriage together from 8000 mi-being alone all the time part), but 6 yrs ago, I would NEVER have thought that is would be were I would end up. I didn't want kids when we got married (had 3 in 4 yrs), didn't want to be a military wife (4 yrs of that now, with 25 months apart during that time when all is said and done), didn't want to be an overwieght housewife (yes, I realize it is baby-weight. Doesn't make me feel better when I look in the mirror and know this is what my hubby is coming home to in a few months), etc. But, I am very happy with my life. My kids are awesome, I can't wait for the hubby to get home, and I am really looking forward to our plans for what we want to do after we leave this God-forsaken town. It is just strange looking back at the person I was 6 yrs ago. It is like looking at a stranger.

My newest experiment

So on top of my human experiment (which for some odd reason I haven't come across any stupid army wives lately. It is odd. They used to come out of the woodwork. HMM.) Anyways, what I am doing atm is learning to live without disposables. Not diapers, that is one luxury I won't give up (plus the Brits proved that cloth diapers are as hard on the environment as disposables due to the care needed to keep them sanitary). But other disposables. I now only buy 1 roll of paper towels per paycheck (so 2 rolls/mo), I don't buy freezer bags anymore, and so forth. (Toilet paper is another disposable that is staying. To be honest, I don't even know what else one would use, and I am not asking for suggestions either.) Also, I am phasing out all plastic in my house. I got rid of all my plastic plates, most of my plastic bowls, and all my plastic cups (except for sippy cups, but once I can afford the awesome stainless steel sippys, the plastic ones will go). I am working on getting rid of my plastic tupperware also, slowly replacing it with glass jars (I wont microwave in plastic anyways, so I end up moving my leftovers to glass bowls or whatnot anyways). Plastic toys are a bit harder to phase out, but I am not trying to go completely hippy-nut-job either. So there it is. My hubby is going to be thrilled with my new level of hippyness when he gets home (for those of you who don't know him very well, that is sarcasm. He doesn't mind some of my hippy ways, but he thinks I am too crunchy. Which makes this all that much more fun).

Not much else to report here. Heading to my hometown later this week to visit other family. Then I am home for a bit, unless I can save enough pennies to go see my bestest hyper-spastic ghetto friend at the beginning of Nov. We will see (I want to see her, plus I have the ulterior motive of wanting to go to the farmers market in her town and stock up on the cheapest organic meat ever - I am so in love with that farmers market. It is indoors, the size of a sams club or better, and their stuff is organic, but not certified, so it is uber-cheap.)

Wow. Just wow.

I am all for the right to believe what you want, but seriously...

http://dbhome.dk/carlo/cat.htm

It is long, but worth reading through. Esp the last half of the second to last paragraph.

(Stole this article from Mer's blog)

My current lack of posts is due to the fact that I am on vacation visiting family. I will be going home in a few days, so things should pick up then.

Some decisions

So, we are not going to re-up atm. We are going to ride this out for a bit. I would prefer to go with the options we were looking at previously (contractor, buying land, etc.).

If my brother does ask to move in with me, he will be welcome after Rozen gets home, but not before. We think that would be the best option, all past issues considered.

My dad is feeling better about things, and has applied for some jobs that would be better than what he had, in the long run. So we can just pray that the appropriate doors will open/shut as needed. But he is doing better in general and that is the big thing.

So, overall, I am much less stressed right now. I have stress about unknowns in the back of my mind, but at least it is more of a twitchy feeling instead of a drowning feeling. I can breathe again : ).

So tired

That's all I have in me to write tonight.

Stressed Stressed Stressed

When it rains, it hurricanes. At least in my life. So here is a list. Feel free to respond with suggestions, but don't be insulted if I ignore them lol. It isn't anything personal if I do, there are a lot of details to these things that I won't be putting in here, namely because I would be writing for the rest of my life. But here it is in a nutshell:

1. My dad got laid off today. In this economy, getting another job is not easy, or sometimes even possible. He will get unemployment, but that is not 100% of your former pay, it is 2/3 or 3/4, we are unsure. He will also lose his benefits, and he is on long-term meds, so even if he does manage to get another job, chances are a new insurance company will refuse to pay for his meds for a year. That isn't the worst of it. Enough of us can come pool our resources to take care of that, but he is really having a hard time with it. And none of us can fix that.

2. My brother is still having significant issues, and rumor is that he is going to be asking me if he can come and stay with me for a while. I hate the thought of turning away a sibling, but I am afraid if I don't, things will get bad quick and I will end up kicking him out, which would be worse than refusing him in the first place.

3. My hubby and I had made plans for our future after the Army, and now he is telling me the integral part of those plans may not happen, so we are back to square one with the re-up decision. Do we re-up, and if so, do we head to a training base so hubby can teach and therefore not deploy for 3 yrs, or do we go to Europe so we can expose the kids to world culture, and suck up another deployment. Or do we get out, take the risk that the contractor position will not come through, and possibly end up either A. taking a job that allows us to survive, but not actually accomplish our dreams, or B. re-upping at the last minute, probably not getting a bonus at all, and even if we do it gets taxed at 40% (if he re-ups before he comes home, the bonus is not taxed). And hubby has told me the choice is mine. So I hold in my hands our life from here out. I have to balance what will make hubby happy, how to provide for our children, how to accomplish our dreams, and how to ensure that at some point in our lives the kids actually get to have a father around. I am tired of being the grownup. It was easier when someone was telling me where to be and and when to be there. Oh, and did I mention that this decision needs to be made within 8 wks because if we decide to stay in, the contract has to be drawn up and signed before he leaves Iraq, so he has to have a bit of time before he is supposed to leave theater for them to do that.

4. Our economy has gone to shit, and I am trying to figure out how to take care of everything that needs to be taken care of. Even if I wanted to get a job, with my education and skill level, I would make just enough money to pay for daycare. Not that putting my kids in daycare is even the remotest option anyways.

I feel like I am drowning, and I have the feeling of impending doom like I am barely keeping my head above water but right behind me is a tidal wave about to break..........

I am feeding my obsession, so to speak. I am always on the hunt for recipes with 5 ingredients or less, that are healthy (or can be made healthy with simple changes), and that will make everyone in my family happy (sadly, the hubby is the pickiest eater I have, not in what he won't eat, but in what he wants to have, ie he is not to enthusiastic about vegetarian meals, I can usually only sneak in 2/wk before he starts to bitch). I am at my Nan's atm, and her roommate has TONS of cookbooks (all in the same series) that have very simple recipes, even one that is specifically a 5 - ingredient cookbook. Yay me. Simple is key when you have what seems like 300 kids under 4 and a hubby in Iraq. You can only feed them so many peanut butter sanwhiches or hardboiled eggs lol.

Has anyone else ever noticed how some people will put 10 times the effort into avoiding work than the actual work would take? Men are really bad about this; although I will admit to having done it myself at times. For example, I have seen my husband perform Cirque du Soleil - worthy acrobatics to get the remote off the floor when it would have taken 1/10 the time and effort to just stand up, take one step, reach down, and grab the damn thing!!! (He says it is a matter of principle; I say his principles are stupid. This conversation does not usually end well.)

Anyways, I have not posted in a while because things have been very busy, with the "impending" hurricanes and traveling and whatnot. The hurricanes have yet to come, but as soon as I assume we are in the clear or that the weather people are over-reacting, we will end up treading water in the living room. *sigh* Also, I haven't had alot of opportunites to tweak the brittle people, so there hasn't been much to blog about.

They say the first 72 hrs are the hardest...

And I am finally past that. I have not had a cigarette since Tuesday night. Hopefully this time I have quit for good, but I guess only time will tell that, since I have quit at least 10 times. Sometimes for long periods of time - I quit when I got pregnant with Little Bit and didn't start again until she was 7 mo old, so that was 15 mo of not smoking. To be honest, I don't want to quit. I actually really like smoking. I just wish there was a way to smoke that wouldn't kill me or hurt my kids. But, since there isn't, I won't. Thankfully, I am on Wellbutrin to help me quit, so my level of irritation atm is pretty much PMS level, although if one more thing gets screwed up after the past 2 days that I have had, I may hit the level of tearing out the kitchen sink and throwing it through the patio door : ). Speaking of screw ups, I paid allot on my car loan last night, but they put some towards interest instead of all toward principle, so I can't re-fi my car today like I planned, because my financier is closed on weekends. So I can't do anything until Tuesday (stupid holiday weekends!!! Without the hubby here, they mean nothing to me, since no there is no one here to get the time off for them, so they are nothing more than an irritation at this point.) GRRRRR...

I am going to do it....

I am going to get on the game show "Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?". I am not trying to be conceited, but I watch this show allot, and can answer most of the questions. It would be so awesome if I could win enough money to keep Rozen from having to go back. So I am going to fill out my app (I downloaded it a bit ago), and get it sent in. Wish me luck, I really think I can do this if I can just get them to pick me up as a contestant.

Welcome to my world.....

So, yesterdays hiatus. Yeah.... I had the Direct TV installer at my house to fix up a previous installers screw-ups, and when he went to run some wire through my crawlspace, he discovered that there was a foot and a half of water under my house. So I called housing (I live on post). They said they would send someone out. 2 hours later, they finally showed up. They poked around for about 20 minutes, then said someone else would be coming to actually fix it. 2 hours later, the contractor finally showed up. I had been told I couldn't leave because I don't have a PTE (permission to enter, I don't want random strangers in my house when I am not there, regardless of whether they are employees of housing or not. They are still strangers to me. *Digression* Why is it that parents would NEVER EVER let a stranger walk away with their brand new baby, but if it is a nurse (or who they think is a nurse) it is totally ok. I never let my babies out of my sight after they were born, if they did have to leave me for any reason, I sent someone I knew with them. Yes, it may be a nurse or even a doctor, but it is still a person you don't know who doesn't love your kid like you do, and who may be having a bad day or not really like their job or whatever. And if they are mean to or hard on your baby, you have no way of knowing. *End Digression*) So I waited and waited and waited. An hour and a half later, I asked the contractors if they needed anything done inside the house. They looked at me like I was nuts. They said no, that I could have left any time I wanted to go. It is now 6:30pm, and I HAVE to go get diapers. I had also promised Ivy we would go to the popcorn store (Target). So, by the time we were done getting gas, going to the commissary, and going to Target, it 9:30 by the time I got home. So it is 9:30 at night, I have 3 kids to get out of the car and into bed, groceries to unload and put away, and a dog to take outside. It was 11 pm before all of that was done. Then this morning, I hear people outside of my house. I go outside, and it turns out, they had accomplished NOTHING yesterday. Not even pumping the water out from under the house. So about an our later I go outside to find out if it is safe to shower. The guy says I can if I absolutely HAVE to, but he would prefer if I didn't. So now I have to get 3 kids and a dog out the door to go to my friend preggo's house to shower. I went outside just before I left to find out if the project would be done today or not, and they had pulled up all the sewer piping in my lawn, and it was laying next to the 3 ft deep, 20 ft long ditch that was now in my yard. (This is also when I found out it had, in fact, been a sewer pipe that burst under my house. Apparently my house was not the only one in my neighborhood with that problem, there were at least 2 others yesterday that I heard about. They think it has something to do with the torrential rains we had this week.) The piping was in pieces, and I have never smelled anything as horrific as my yard was this morning. Plus you could see all the lovely stuff that resides in sewer pipes. I dry heaved just trying to put the kids in the car. So I am now at preggo's house, wondering if I will ever have plumbing again. Also, once I found out that it was sewage under my house, I wanted to walk on my tiptoes. Seriously, there needs to be more space between the sewage and I than the floor. EEEWWW.....

Spoiled brats and their "parents"; The best dog ever; There goes another $10 into the therapy jar....

I love how some people seem to firmly believe that their only job as parents is to keep their children alive. God forbid we should discipline them, they might turn out to be productive members of society, and that would totally show mommy and daddy up so we can't have that. GRR. This is a big pet peeve of mine. Today, while I was at the bookstore letting my girls play with the train set, this mom shows up with her son and daughter (probably about 6 and 2, respectively). First, the daughter throws a fit because Bear-Bear has the train she wants. Bear-Bear didn't take her train, this kid has just decided that is the only one that will suit her. Bear in mind, there are 10+ trains on the track unused. Her mom offers her one of the aforementioned unused trains. She slaps it out of her mothers hand while whining at the top of her lungs. What does mommy do? Offers her the train again. Now, my kids can be royal brats. I have had Bear-Bear pitch fits in stores that were so bad I pretended she wasn't mine (really). So I understand that kids will be kids. However, this was not the last of it with this kid. A few minutes later I was dangling my keys for Little Man to swat at and I hear Bear-Bear's battle cry. I look over, and she is coming toward me w/4 train cars in her hands, and the other mother says "She just took one of those from her." So I assume she means that Bear-Bear pilfered her kid's train car. I start to get onto her and she says "No, my daughter took it from your daughter, but since your daughter isn't crying it's ok." I just looked at her and said "Well, let me know if any of my kids do that to one of your kids because that is never acceptable behavior in my house." I wish I had a camera. Her face was priceless. She really couldn't believe I had just gone there. Her kid continued being such a brat that we left about 5 minutes later. But I think I should get my first silhouette for that : ).

*Fun experiment you can do at home!*
Look everyone directly and steadily in the eye as you talk to them. You will notice that most people don't hold eye contact, and it will freak them out that you are. It is really fun.

So, yeah, my dog rocks. I was "interviewing", so to speak, another dog today, because I think Jasmine needs a buddy here. So this woman brought her dog over to see how the dog got along with Jasmine and my kids. Now, Jasmine is a purebred American Bulldog. She is short (her shoulders are about knee-high on me, her head hits about mid-thigh), but stocky. She weighs about 80 lbs. She is also the sweetest dog ever. Bear-Bear has stepped on her, fallen on her, tried to ride her, puller her hair, pulled her whiskers, pulled her lips, twisted her nose, pulled her ears, pulled her tail, poked her eyes.... and this dog has never growled or even flinched. She just looks at me like "Can you make it stop? Please." (Which I always do.) She is also very intelligent, yet really stoopid at the same time. If you have ever seen the movie The Emperor's New Groove (best Disney movie ever), she is Cronk. Big, brilliant, yet somehow oddly tarded. Well, this other dog walked over to sniff Little Man, she got about 18 in from him and Jasmine gave her a warning growl. She got about 12 in from Little Man and Jasmine came off her couch and tore into that little 40-ish lb dog. This dog wasn't real bright because about 2 min later she walked over to Bear-Bear to sniff her. Same thing. 18 in was a warning growl, 12 in Jasmine came off that couch and tore into that puppy again. And as soon as she got the puppy far enough away from the kids that she was comfortable with it, she would back off of the puppy. This really makes me feel much safer, knowing that she is that protective.

Now for the biggest frustration of my day / life atm. My Little Man always seems to get the short end of the stick. He does not cry alot, but it seems like every time he does, 15 un-ignorable things happen at the same time, so he has to sit and cry for a bit until I can get there. Yes, I know that occasionaly letting them cry for a minute is good because it teaches them patience and to not expect instant gratification as they get older. But it seems to happen EVERY SINGLE TIME HE CRIES!! Tonight for instance, he started to fuss while I was attempting to clean up dinner. So I abandoned my efforts and went to get him. I picked him up, sat down on the couch, he starts rooting around, and the dog wanders over and whines. Not a "I will probably need to go out soon" whine, but instead a "You better get me outside in the next 30 seconds or you and your carpet will regret it" whine. So I put Little Man down and take the dog out. I get back in about 5 min later, pick him up again, get my shirt up, and Little Bit yells "Mommy, I'm done!". This is after yet another hour-long potty session with her. (We have been dealing w/chronic constipation w/ her for 3 yrs now, but that is another gripe for another day.) So I have to put Little Man down again, and go clean Little Bit. But this is the stuff I am talking about. This happens to him all day long. At this rate he is going to grow up convinced that he is not worth as much as the other two. Or even the dog for that matter. *sigh* He is going to have to choose between a college education or therapy to undo the damage, I won't be able to afford both...

*sigh*

I would just like to state that I would sell a kidney right now for a bag of fritos and some chocolate chunk brownies... I hate PMS.

Wow...

Isn't it amazing what the human mind can rationalize? (You have to read the whole thing to understand my comment, the last paragraph pretty much explains it). If you are a woman reading this, take a moment to be grateful that, however much our country might suck (not getting into that atm...) at least we have some freedoms that women in other countries couldn't even imagine. My father would never agree to something like this, let alone support it.... In fact, he would kill someone for even considering the possibility of pulling a stunt like this.

http://www.frif.com/new2005/brid2.html

And how did this end up becoming a necessity? It seems to be required fairly often from the gist of the article...

http://sports.espn.go.com/oly/trackandfield/news/story?id=2701018

Target Aquired; Why a certain ice cream chain sucks; I am tired of bittersweet moments.

So I have determined my first long-term victim, er study case. She is an Air Force wife, whose daughter attends preschool in my daughters class. Her daughter is 3, just like mine. At the open house on Thursday night, she nagged the teacher continually "is the a 2 and 3 yr old class?" She must have asked this 5 times. The teacher told her every time that no, it was not a 2 and 3 yr old class, this was the 3 - 5 yr old class. She replied "Good, because I don't want my 3 yr old in a class w/ a bunch of 2 yr olds." Seriously? You have to be that much of a snob? I wanted to look at her and say "Well, I don't want my 5 yr old in a class w/ a bunch of 3 yr olds." Really, 2 and 3 yr olds are much closer developmentally than 3 and 5 yr olds are. So how can she be so snotty about her precious daughter being in a class with *gasp* 2 yr olds, but think it is ok for all those 5 yr olds to have to put up with her daughter. She is also all sorts of preppy (insert spirit fingers here), not a sin in and of itself, but if you don't have the body of a 16 yr old, don't dress like you do. She doesn't and she shouldn't. So she is going to be one of my long term experiments. I am going to see how long I can irritate her before she snaps. Should be fun.

Now, I would like to explain why a certain ice cream chain, which rhymes with "Raskin Bobbins" sucks. I went there w/ "nee-nee" and her hubby while they were visiting, and got into a general b.s. conversation with the manager. It started when he told me not to expect a military discount from "RB" because they don't even give employee discounts. I then asked him how much employees in general make there. Starting employees make $6/hr, if you are lucky enough to make manager, you make $8/hr. Really. "RB" is a huge national chain that charges way too much for mediocre ice cream ($2.09/scoop is the regular price), and yet they pay their managers $8/hr? Tonight when I went in to take my girls out (it was dollar scoop night) and was talking to that same manager, I went to order and I was informed I would need to wait 15 minutes because they could not give me the ice cream for $1 ea until 6 pm. No exceptions. (Fortunately for me, the manager I always talk to got us the ice cream right then but let me wait 15 min to pay for it.) So my beef is with "RB" Corporate, not my local one. Because the people at my local one rock. Even if they don't get paid enough to care. (Sidenote - that same manager brought me a wet washcloth while I was trying to clean my incredibly sticky 20 mo old with the worst paper napkins in the world, and I hadn't even asked for one.)

Finally, my last issue for today is the fact that nothing in my life is just good right now. Every single thing that happens causes a small amount of pain because the hubby isn't here. This relates mostly to stuff with the kids, but I can't think of anything right now that his being gone doesn't affect. Now, I am not one of those women whose lives are only made complete by their husbands presence and approval. Both of those things are very important to me, but it isn't my end-all-be-all. But every time one of the kids does something cute, I think about how they wont be doing that anymore by the time he gets back. Little Man is starting to really develop his personality, and he is so cute. He smiles and is starting to reach for things and recognizes my voice and so forth. Babies change so quickly at this age, that by the time hubby gets back, he will be a whole different kid than he is now. I hate this. I am sure the hubby and kids will be able to bond just fine (he missed the first 6 mo of our oldest daughters life, and she thinks the sun rises and sets on him at this point), and everyone will live; we certainly are not the first nor the last military family to go through all of this. But you really can't imagine how much this sucks until you are right in the middle of it. At least we are on the downhill side though. He will have to go back, but I refuse to think about that right now. Another thing that makes this suck: I want to be able to slow down and really enjoy these ages with the kids, esp little man, because I love the first year, and I will not ever have that again, but at the same time I want time to fly by until he gets back. *sigh* At least we are all healthy *knock on wood*. Have you ever noticed that when you want to knock on wood the entire world seems to be made out of brick, plastic, aluminum, and concrete?

Why it is easy for me to make people explode.

Some background on me will probably help everyone understand why I am doing this. When I say I am Army Wife Anti-matter, I am not exaggerating. First off, I keep my hair the blood red you see in the picture. (In the interest of honesty, it is currently purple. That is because I had to dye my hair back to it's natural color for my pregnancy, and when I was ready to dye it back I was to broke to buy the red {it takes 4 bottles @ $10 ea to do all of my hair}, and my friend "nee-nee," as the kids call her, was generous enough to give me some purple that she had so I could get rid of the God-awful brown/grey. She was also wonderful enough to put the dye in my hair, which is a 2+ hr process because my hair is very thick, not to mention down past my rear.) And I have my lip pierced. And I tend to wear allot of black (What? It is slimming... lol). Add to all that the fact that I am very crunchy. For those of you who are unfamiliar with that term, a more general term is hippie. I cook mostly organic, I am about 70% vegetarian, I do not immunize my children, I even buy mostly organic body products - IE shampoo, soap, lotion, etc. I have proven that I know more than most nutritionists about REAL healthy food, and I also know more about effective natural treatments/cures than most doctors. I am not saying that all modern medicine is bad. Nor am I saying that all "natural" equals "good". Hemlock is totally natural, but I don't suggest you make tea with it.... and I have personally witnessed natural medicine cure what medical science could not. In Dec of '05, my husband was diagnosed, via biopsy, with Chrons Disease. He was put on 3 different meds, which, without insurance, would cost $1000+ / mo. The meds made him tired and bitchy, and did not help the Chrons at all. So we decided to go the all natural route. $1500 and 2 mo later, he felt great. He was re-biopsied in Aug '07, and was found to be completely free of Chrons. I am not a big conspiracy theorist per-se, but the bottom dollar is all most people/companies care about, so of course they would want him on $1000/mo meds for the rest of his life as opposed to 1 $1500 treatment. Think about it. I think this is why allot of people get aggravated with me. People don't like being pulled out of their comfort zone, and the thought that modern medicine prefers us to be sick is scary. People really hate it when you point out the obvious. I also tend to be very blunt, esp after someone talks down to me like I am automatically ignorant because of how I look (like 90% of the doctors at the MTF {military treatment facility} do). I am sure most people's next question is "If you get harassed all the time without working for it, why are you actively seeking out more irritations, when shutting up would relieve most of the stress from your life?" (My mother asks me this constantly). I could go the pedestal route and say it is because I want to be able to help people learn to think for themselves and question everything (our world would be so much better if people asked more questions instead of blindly accepting what is handed to them). But at the end of the day, the true answer is much more narcissistic than that - I like to irritate those who deserve it. And, yes, it is up to me to decide who deserves it. Because I said so.

The Beginning

Well, since we only have roughly 1 year before we go on terminal leave, I thought I would start a blog on the daily life of an Army Wife. Not just any army wife though. I am special. Why? Because I don't fit the "good" army wife mold: I know what I am talking about, I will get up in peoples faces (only when justified - though it is justified more often than you might think), and I don't look like the barbie doll image so many military wives try to maintain. I realize how conceited this sounds, but bear with me. I am actually not conceited at all. I do have a general disdain for humanity (I think Tommy Lee Jones said it best "An individual is smart; people as a mass are stupid, panicky animals." {Quick - name the movie}), but I don't hate everybody. Just stupid people. I am a bit of a sociopath that way. No, I do not believe that everyone who disagrees with me is stupid. I have learned allot from listening to people who disagree with me. But I think most people are sheep and that irritates me to no end. People need to learn to think for themselves. So this blog is not only a "diary" of sorts about our last year in the army. It is also to document the results of an experiment I am conducting. An explanation of the term "antimatter" will help. Now, I don't know if this is an actual scientific theory or some random star trek reference, but the idea is that for all matter there is anti-matter, and if matter comes into contact with the anti-matter, it explodes. So for the next year, I am going to attempt to make as many army wives explode as I can. I will also try to see how many high ranking people I can make explode (although none who have direct influence over the hubby - I am bored, not stupid). During slow weeks I will probably post stories about people I have made to explode in the past.

A few ground rules:
1. I will not be putting my name, my kid's names, or my husbands name, unit, troop movements, deployment schedules, etc., in this blog. I will not even be putting in here which post I live on. It will be referred to as "post". Do not email me or comment to this blog with requests for such info. If you are reading this and you know the answer to any of the above, then you are one of the chosen few. If you don't, then you are not nor will you be. Sorry, but I will not risk the safety of anyone in this blog. If you know what the term "OP SEC" means this makes more sense. "OP SEC" is the military term meaning "operational security". For the purposes of this blog, that is a blanket term for the security of my family, my husbands unit, and so forth. Some people may think I am a bit anal about it. Tough.

2. Please do not comment with hate speech about the military, this war, goths, or anything else you may feel like bitching about. If you have a rant that pertains to this blog, feel free to post it. But please understand, regardless of how you feel about this war, our soldiers are here obeying orders. Yes, there are some "bad eggs" among our troops, and the media LOVES to blast their stories for God knows how long while the stories of the troops who really care and want to make a difference are ignored, our troops as a whole are not murderers, rapists, or baby-killers. You are entitled to your opinion and are free to express it nicely. If you are going to express a strong opinion, it would be nice also if you had evidence to back it up. But that isn't a requirement. I will just make fun of you if you don't.

Here is the "cast of characters" so to speak that you will hear about often:

myself (obviously)
my hubby, referred to as "Rozen"
my oldest daughter who is 3 and 1/2, referred to as "little bit"
my second daughter, who is 20 mo, referred to as "bear-bear"
my son, who is 3 mo, referred to as "little man" or "the little dude"

Before anyone asks - Yes, they are very close in age. No, we did not do it on purpose. Yes, we do know what causes children (it starts out an inexpensive hobby...). No, we are not having any more (I had that problem fixed. No I did not kill my husband, although the thought did cross my mind when I found out I was pregnant and my second child was only 9 mo old... {and before anyone gives me the "it takes two to tango" line, it was my husbands fault in this case. I will not go into detail here as to how it is, but trust me on this. It was totally his fault.} But I am now fixed. YAY ME!)

So, if you have enough time on your hands to read about my adventures in spouse-land, it should be an interesting year. Starting with my daughter's first day in preschool (Tuesday) because it is parent-orientation day. Lots of wives to use for my experiments : ).